[House’s fellows are in the diagnostics office when Foreman starts to twitch while sitting at the computer.]

CAMERON: Foreman, are you ok?

FOREMAN: Fic…the fic…it’s bad!

CHASE: How bad? Chase-is-a-cutter-and-alcoholic bad OR Cameron-is-a-slut-that-we-all-want bad?

FOREMAN: Worse! It’s Mary Sue bad!!

CAMERON: *clasps hand over mouth* Oh dear non-existent God…

CHASE: Well, there’s only one way to handle this…

FOREMAN: *Turns laptop so that everyone can read* MST time!

A/N: Just 2 let u know, this is my 1st House fanfic EVER. So, b a little relaxed, but if there r some DEFINITE things that don't fit or make sense, TELL me!!!! Anyways, on w/ the story!!!

CHASE: ZOMG!! It’s lyke chat speak!! Do u no wht that meens?

CAMERON: The IQ level in this room has just dropped 20 points?

CHASE: Ur right Cam!!! ZOMG!!

FOREMAN: Easy, Chase. That’s gonna get old really fast.

"I hate Mondays! Especially here!"

ALL: So do we!

CHASE: Nothing like badfic to start off the week!

Kara Willis sat down to a table in the courtyard at Princeton High School, wishing she wasn't a Freshman and rather a Senior in middle school.

FOREMAN: Freshman is unnecessarily capitalized… and that sentence made no sense whatsoever.

CHASE: What part? The fact that she goes from being in high school to middle school?

CAMERON: Or the part where her grammar is so far off that the author's English teacher is probably digging a grave to roll over in?

FOREMAN: Both.
CHASE: What’s a senior in middle school?
CAMERON: I would joke about you being Australian, but I don’t get it either.

 "I don't have time for myself anymore!"

CHASE: Only for my other three personalities!

"Tell me about it!" her best friend, Jessi, complained back, taking a seat next to Kara.

CHASE: Ahh, the obligatory name in a Mary Sue fic that must end with an ‘ee’ noise.

FOREMAN: Shouldn’t Jessi have an ‘e’ on the end?

CAMERON: What? And give away the defining mark of a Mary Sue fic, the weird ass name? I don’t think so.

CHASE: She’s right, Foreman. That name is a warning in and of itself.
CAMERON: Actually, Jessi is pretty normal. There was a character in the Babysitter’s Club books named Jessi.
FOREMAN: Of course you read those books when you were little.
CAMERON: *looks away guiltily*
FOREMAN: You still do, don’t you?
CAMERON: *silence*

"That assignment that Mrs. Haynes gave out in geomentry, ugh! It'll be an all nighter,

CAMERON: Because shapes are sooo difficult.

CHASE: *as Jessi* Oh God!! I can’t remember what shape consists of three sides and corners!!

plus add all the other homework and after school stuff. I mean...high school's fun, but it definetely wasn't the pictutre I saw it as last year."

FOREMAN: Geometry is spelled wrong, definitely is spelled wrong, picture is spelled wrong. *eye twitches again* Maybe her Microsoft Word doesn’t know how to spell check.

CAMERON: Ugh! I just like totally love how she like made them like talk in like annoying like teenager ways too!

CHASE: Like totally!

Kara took a deep sigh. "Well, at least today's over."

CHASE: Did you hear that? Today is over! Let’s ditch this story and go get drunk!

CAMERON: Not so fast, Chase. There’s more …

CHASE: *audible sigh*

FOREMAN: Well, there is a proper use of apostrophe in that sentence, maybe this won’t be all that bad.

CAMERON: Foreman, it’s a Mary Sue fic, remember?

FOREMAN: I stand corrected.

"True." Jessi's eyes peered around her surroundings, looking confused.

CAMERON: Trees confuse her.
CHASE: Breathing probably confuses her.

"One question, though. Why are we in the courtyard instead of the front, waiting on the buses?"

CAMERON: And why is this a House fic with no House characters so far?

CHASE: Isn’t it a good thing if we’re not in it?

CAMERON: Touché, but alas, the fic has only begun. 
FOREMAN: There’s still plenty of time for her to turn us into brain dead idiots.
CAMERON: Or cutters.
CHASE: Or brain dead idiots who cut themselves!

"Trey wants to meet me here."

FOREMAN: Oh God, not another goofy name.

"Trey?" Kara nodded, a small smile brightening her face. "Ugh! I think I"ll throw up if I have to hear about Treeeeey one,

CAMERON: She can talk about Trey two all she wants though.

more..." Jessi's eyes widened. "Kara. You better go. Now."

CAMERON: This fic is giving a bad name to high school girls everywhere! Seriously, who talks like that?

CHASE: Wait a sec, did she just say “Cameron, Chase, and Foreman, you better go?”
FOREMAN: No, but she’s being very domineering. Maybe it’ll turn into BDSM stuff.
CAMERON and FOREMAN: *turn to stare at Chase*
CHASE: It was just one girl I dated, okay? Let it die.

Kara faced the back of her

CAMERON: Huh? She faced the back of herself?

FOREMAN: Maybe she can turn her head all the way around and look at the back of her body.
CHASE: And check out her own ass.
CAMERON: You’ve thought about this before, haven’t you?

and saw Daniel, her older brother, and a few of his crew,

FOREMAN: His crew? Are we in 8 Mile?

headed towards the courtyard. "Oh, my God. I've got to hide."

FOREMAN: *sighs* Unnecessary comma use.
CAMERON: More like unnecessary fanfic writing.

She jumped to her feet and tightly put a grip on her best friend's wrist. "Come on! You're coming, too!"

CHASE: Yeah, drag your best buddy into this mess. Man, you are such a wonderful friend.

Unable to tug away from Kara's strong grip and to help a friend from getting into a LOT of hot water,

Chase: A lot of hot water? Are they making soup?
Cameron: Great. Cannibal fic.

FOREMAN: I hope she kills us for food so we don’t have to read this.

 Jessi dragged behind her,

CHASE: Limp as a rag doll, because she was DEAD.
FOREMAN: Due to brain aneurism caused by reading badfic.

CAMERON: Sadly, because she was Kara’s friend, there was no cure.

having no authority of where she was going. The two quickly made their way to one of the back walls of the school and hid behind it.

FOREMAN: What the hell is this?
CAMERON: Awful.

"God that was close! But he'll eventually find out and kill me!"

CHASE: I love bad spy fics.
CAMERON: I love that we’re not in it.
FOREMAN: Yet.

Kara's face expressed extreme worry and weariness.

FOREMAN: Which one’s Kara?

"Kill you? About what? And...are you okay?" Her friend's face spelled confusion again,

FOREMAN: It spelled confusion?
CHASE: Faces can’t spell.

but also hinted concern fron the pale, sheet white color on Kara's face.

CHASE: Sheet white? I had Batman sheets.

CAMERON: I had Barbie…

FOREMAN: I had My Little Pony

CHASE and CAMERON: *stare*

FOREMAN: Oops, did I say that out loud?

"Trey-" Kara forced out, "Our relationship is-"

CHASE: Annoying?
CAMERON: Juvenile?
FOREMAN: Nonexistent?

Her sentence was unpredictably cut short by soft, wind like sounds.

CAMERON: Yeah, the wind always renders me speechless too.

She breathed harder and harder by the second, but each new breath she took narrowed her airways more and more, seeming if Kara only had a straw to breathe through.

FOREMAN: Narrow lungs cause gasping for breath, yes. Get on with it.

It only got worse and worse until she suddenly fell to the ground unconscious.

CHASE: At least the weird breathing stopped.

"Kara?" Jessi knelt down and began to shake her violently.

CHASE: Violently, huh?
FOREMAN: Not as violent as I’d be if I met the person who wrote this.

CAMERON: Still, shaking your friend violently isn’t always the best way to handle things, especially when they’re in a medical crisis.

"Kara?!" No responce.

CAMERON: That’s because it’s not a word.

CHASE: Respond, on the other hand, well we’re pretty sure she wouldn’t want to do that either if she could.

"Kara, can you hear me?!?!?" Still, nothing.

FOREMAN: Except an abuse of punctuation marks.

CHASE: You’re so right, Foreman!!!!!!!11111111oneoneone
CAMERON: Are you going to keep repeating all of the author’s bad habits because you think it makes you look funny or is there a point to this annoying behavior?

CHASE: *silence*

"She can't hear me," she whispered, scared to death, as she bounced up to her feet.

CHASE: She bounced to her feet?
FOREMAN: It’s what I do when my friends are dying.

She pulled out her pink RAZR and pushed the numbers 9-1-1.

CHASE: She dials 911 when she could just go inside and get a teacher, the smarts on that girl!

CAMERON: Have you ever wondered how many fics really have subliminal advertisements for products in them?

FOREMAN: Cameron, that idea is ridiculous. WATCH HOUSE TUESDAY NIGHTS ON FOX! She is just an immature fanfic writer after all.

"Come on, come on!" Jessi paced franktely

CHASE: Franktely? Is that even a word?

CAMERON: I had an old lady neighbor named Franktely. She had a lot of cats.

FOREMAN: How many is a lot?

CAMERON: Oh, about 26 over the legal limit in New Jersey.

 back and forth, phone to her ear. "How long can it take for some dumb person to answer?!"

CAMERON: *reads ahead* Crap, looks like this is going to be one of those phone calls where we only hear one end of the story….

FOREMAN: Never fear, I’ll handle it! *makes a phone out of his hand using his thumb and pinky*

Right after that sentence, she stopped dead where she was standing.

FOREMAN: This is 9-1-1, please state the nature of your emergency.

 "Yes...

FOREMAN: Your emergency is yes? Let’s try this again. What is the nature of your emergency?

Princeton High School...

FOREMAN: OK, you really don’t know how to listen, do you? Can you please put an adult on the line?

Ummm, my friend just suddenly fell, struggling to breathe.

FOREMAN: Oh, so now you tell me!

 I think she's unconscious...

CHASE: Everybody’s a doctor now.

FOREMAN: Back off, man! This is my phone call! *clears throat* Is there anybody else nearby who can help you?

Get an ambulance here. NOW."

FOREMAN: Okay, pay attention to me, you snot nosed little brat. I’m sick of your games and I sure as hell don’t take orders from you…

CAMERON: Foreman…

FOREMAN: Listen, I’m just trying to do my job. Do you think it’s easy to sit here all day and listen to people complain…

CHASE: Foreman! *Foreman snaps out of it and closes his ‘phone’* It’s OK, Foreman, it’s over.

FOREMAN: It is?

CAMERON: *nods* This chapter is… but we’ve got several more to go.

FOREMAN: *drops to knees* Nooooo!!!!!